Neumutual

Change.

Things are changing. Little things in my life are changing. I was at a restaurant in Cab after Peak the other day and I was staring outside the empty roads that was earlier bustling with people. Then it hit me. I'm 16. Year 11. How is it that i can remember SO CLEARLY what it felt like to be in say, Year 2-3? I still remember that time in year 3 and my class walked over to the year 4 class and I was HOLY SHIT, I'M GONNA BE IN YEAR 4 IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS. And now, argh, life is moving too quick.

I'm nervous. I'm nervous to dive into the textbooks and endless scraps of random sheets and notes. I'm nervous to see how I will do. I'm nervous at the thought of being nervous.

New year, big whoop. But this is different. We're seniors now. I still feel like i've missed out on childhood. No offence to my Mum, I love her to bits, but.. all my memories of being a child was really, simply put: either the image of school - or the terror of tutor.

And I don't blame her for enrolling me so early. I'm not naturally smart- I know that. I just.. feel like I'm missing out. Hence why these holidays I spontaneously decide to go places like centro and such. Relive and take back what could have been mine.

I don't know anymore. The nerves are calming and I MUST get my mind at ease before the stress that lies ahead. I will pull through the next 2 years. I promise to do my best.

Labels: dedications

your problem. not mine.

Be careful of the decisions you make. cos one decision can lead you down a path that you can never go back from. you're stuck with this. your fault. not mine. i can't believe you did it and yet, didnt have the guts to tell me. what the hell mans. this isnt right. but guess what. it's too late. im not sorry. from now on, your problems are YOURS. dont bother trying to make things right. you know she tried her best. she tried her best for the past fcking 20 years, telling you not to do stuff like this. yeah, she was hard on the other but seriously? you should know better. the lectures were there for a reason. and now you made a decision that you can't give up. It could've been ok in the early stages when it could be easily removed... but now... it's too late. She has nothing left. I'm the emotional carrier. Now i have to comfort her and tell her it's ok. I still have a future you know? I still have highschool. I still have my hsc. and now, you're just gonna screw it all up. fuck you. it's your problem now. why do i have heal something that you broke. it's all your fault.

Labels: dedications

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